I decided it would be beneficial/interesting to take a look back at where I thought I would be as a senior, when I was a freshmen. So here goes!
1. I thought I'd be a year older: I'm graduating early. So I always thought I'd be 21 when I graduated. Until about a year ago. Now, I have to be ready to move on in just a few short months. I feel like I could stay here for 4 more years! It's been really hard to grasp that.
2. I thought I'd still be friends with the people I was friends with. My first semester, I had incredible friends. We did everything together. But, I've come to realize that those relationships were much like the ones I made senior year of high school: simply just to get by. We needed each other because we were all lost, and trying to find out who we were going to be. We were all finding our niche here at Roberts, and mine wasn't with them. This isn't to say that we hate each other now. We just don't see each other. All this being said, I have made incredible, life-long friends here at Roberts. People who I know will always always be there for me. In addition, I've also learned that even if these friendships don't work out, I know that there will always be others. I will never be alone. This is a big world, with lots of other people to become friends with.
3. I thought I might be in a relationship. This is probably the most embarrassing. I mean, I thought by now, I'd be in a relationship. That is not the case. Which is fine, most days. Some days, it gets a little tricky, but for the most part, I'm good. Lately I've been doing a lot better in this department. I think it's because now instead of thinking about being in a relationship, I've been thinking about adoption. I've even began to wrap my head around the fact that there's a good chance that I'll have adopted before I even get married, or even meet the person that I would want to marry. This has changed my views on relationships totally.
In the end, I am not anywhere near the person I thought I would be. And it's okay. I like who I am. I am so grateful to be in a place that forces me to grow, that challenges me in every way, but also supports and encourages me through everything. I feel incredibly blessed to call Roberts home because it has changed my life in just about every way.
3.11.12
Welp... This is awkward.
So my last post was in January. And that was a long time ago. So much has happened since then. I suppose I'll fill you in on some highlights:
1. I worked at Camp Cherith of Western New York again this summer. What can I say.... God is there (I mean He's everywhere. But He's especially there). I always learn something new, and it always changes my life. This summer, two of the biggest things I learned were that prayer can do amazing amazing things, and to not rely on your feelings. I could write a whole 500 blog posts about that, but I'll refrain, cause there are other things I want to say.
2. I began my senior year of college. which is outrageous. I can't believe I'm graduating from college. It's very exciting because it means that I'm going to be out in the "real world" soon. But terrifying because I feel like I just got comfortable here, and now I have to move on. But I guess that's how life works, right?
3. I'm trusting God to bring in money for another trip to Guatemala. As soon as I told my best friend about this opportunity, she said "Do it. Trust God." And it has been an incredible adventure so far, and the plane hasn't even taken off. It's been great to have this experience trusting God, and being surprised by they people He has lead to support me (if you'd like a support letter, let me know, please). I go in February, and I couldn't be more excited to see this face again. :)
4. I am senior class president. Which is crazy. I'm graduating early, so some people in my class don't even know I'm in their class, let alone their president.
5. I have been incredibly blessed by being a part of the 2014 Social Work class. We are a little family, and have the best times together. I love them so much.
6. While I may be trusting God in some areas (i.e. Guatemala), I've realized it's a whole heck of a lot more hard to trust Him with other things (i.e. the health of friends, plans after graduation, my mental health, etc.). It's just so easy to tell someone to trust God, but a lot harder when you try to do it yourself. Worrying is a big part of it. I just want to worry worry worry and think about all these problems I'm having. And I don't understand why I can't just rest in the fact that God has it under control, and that He's going to take care of it. Resting in God sounds so much better, but it's so much more difficult for me, and I just don't understand.
Welp... That has been a little recap on my life.
1. I worked at Camp Cherith of Western New York again this summer. What can I say.... God is there (I mean He's everywhere. But He's especially there). I always learn something new, and it always changes my life. This summer, two of the biggest things I learned were that prayer can do amazing amazing things, and to not rely on your feelings. I could write a whole 500 blog posts about that, but I'll refrain, cause there are other things I want to say.
2. I began my senior year of college. which is outrageous. I can't believe I'm graduating from college. It's very exciting because it means that I'm going to be out in the "real world" soon. But terrifying because I feel like I just got comfortable here, and now I have to move on. But I guess that's how life works, right?
3. I'm trusting God to bring in money for another trip to Guatemala. As soon as I told my best friend about this opportunity, she said "Do it. Trust God." And it has been an incredible adventure so far, and the plane hasn't even taken off. It's been great to have this experience trusting God, and being surprised by they people He has lead to support me (if you'd like a support letter, let me know, please). I go in February, and I couldn't be more excited to see this face again. :)
4. I am senior class president. Which is crazy. I'm graduating early, so some people in my class don't even know I'm in their class, let alone their president.
5. I have been incredibly blessed by being a part of the 2014 Social Work class. We are a little family, and have the best times together. I love them so much.
6. While I may be trusting God in some areas (i.e. Guatemala), I've realized it's a whole heck of a lot more hard to trust Him with other things (i.e. the health of friends, plans after graduation, my mental health, etc.). It's just so easy to tell someone to trust God, but a lot harder when you try to do it yourself. Worrying is a big part of it. I just want to worry worry worry and think about all these problems I'm having. And I don't understand why I can't just rest in the fact that God has it under control, and that He's going to take care of it. Resting in God sounds so much better, but it's so much more difficult for me, and I just don't understand.
Welp... That has been a little recap on my life.
2.3.12
What Emily Dickinson and I have in common. (Also, In which I preach... more)
Hi Mom, by the way, I know you'll read this one A) because I wrote it, and B) because you love Emily Dickinson
Anywhoo, As I was looking up inspirational quotes to give my roommate for her 21st birthday (Hi Taylor, I hope you read this after I give you your present... But who knows), I stumbled across Emily Dickinson's quote:
Can you imagine if all people lived like this? Like their only goal in life was to ease one pain, to help one person, to stop one heart from breaking. In some ways, I can see this: a beautiful picture of humanity coming together to assist each other and living as if helping others mattered. On the other hand, I can't even imagine this because it's so far away. Which sounds completely hopeless, but it's reality, unfortunately.
Today, Sister Grace from the House of Mercy came and spoke in our chapel. She was incredible. I know a lot of people thought it was boring, some may have thought she was too forceful, some may have thought she was too "against the system" or something. But to be honest, she was doing what we are all called to do. Because we have a lot, much is expected from us. We are called to share what we have.
So basically, Sister Grace started the House of Mercy which is a homeless shelter in downtown Rochester. They have 4,000 people who come and are served through the House of Mercy. The building is only meant to house 19. Sister Grace and her coworkers also work to provide proper burials for the deceased homeless in Rochester. When she was explaining this, it hit me like a ton of bricks. There are people out there who have no one to plan a funeral. No one to take care of the details that must happen at the end of their life. This costs money. These were all things I never knew went on.
Today, I was confronted with the poverty right down the street. And it rocked my world. And guess what: IT SHOULD. We are supposed to get upset about the things that break God's heart. Do you think God likes the fact that His children, His creation, the ones He loves are out there living on the streets, hungry & cold? He doesn't. And it's our responsibility.
I heard a quote once that went something like this: Instead of asking God why poverty exists, why don't you ask yourself (it was said more articulate and powerful than that... but whatever).
I don't know why poverty exists. I don't understand how people can be poor and hungry and cold while I sit here sweating, not being able to decide what I want for dinner. I don't know why we don't feel sorry forspending tons of money to fill our materialistic desires while others can't even fill their bellies.
But what I do know, is that we're supposed to do something about it.
Anywhoo, As I was looking up inspirational quotes to give my roommate for her 21st birthday (Hi Taylor, I hope you read this after I give you your present... But who knows), I stumbled across Emily Dickinson's quote:
If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin into his nest again, I shall not live in vain.I've read this quote before, but it's been a while. Probably since before I had declared social work as my major. And to be honest, this is why I am a social work major. Because I long to fix people. And I know that if all of my work here on this earth only leads to helping one person, my goal will be accomplished. My life will not have been a waste (not that I think I'm a waste).
Can you imagine if all people lived like this? Like their only goal in life was to ease one pain, to help one person, to stop one heart from breaking. In some ways, I can see this: a beautiful picture of humanity coming together to assist each other and living as if helping others mattered. On the other hand, I can't even imagine this because it's so far away. Which sounds completely hopeless, but it's reality, unfortunately.
Today, Sister Grace from the House of Mercy came and spoke in our chapel. She was incredible. I know a lot of people thought it was boring, some may have thought she was too forceful, some may have thought she was too "against the system" or something. But to be honest, she was doing what we are all called to do. Because we have a lot, much is expected from us. We are called to share what we have.
So basically, Sister Grace started the House of Mercy which is a homeless shelter in downtown Rochester. They have 4,000 people who come and are served through the House of Mercy. The building is only meant to house 19. Sister Grace and her coworkers also work to provide proper burials for the deceased homeless in Rochester. When she was explaining this, it hit me like a ton of bricks. There are people out there who have no one to plan a funeral. No one to take care of the details that must happen at the end of their life. This costs money. These were all things I never knew went on.
Today, I was confronted with the poverty right down the street. And it rocked my world. And guess what: IT SHOULD. We are supposed to get upset about the things that break God's heart. Do you think God likes the fact that His children, His creation, the ones He loves are out there living on the streets, hungry & cold? He doesn't. And it's our responsibility.
I heard a quote once that went something like this: Instead of asking God why poverty exists, why don't you ask yourself (it was said more articulate and powerful than that... but whatever).
I don't know why poverty exists. I don't understand how people can be poor and hungry and cold while I sit here sweating, not being able to decide what I want for dinner. I don't know why we don't feel sorry forspending tons of money to fill our materialistic desires while others can't even fill their bellies.
But what I do know, is that we're supposed to do something about it.
8.2.12
In Which I Preach. Just A Little
Today, I had a great day. Praise God.
I had a great day because:
1) I woke up quoting Nemo
2) Social Work is what I'm supposed to be doing, and I am so excited to realize it.
3) I don't have to worry about wet feet, because it's not snowy.
4) I have fantastic friends who love me and support me, and tell me the truth when I need to hear it.
But most of all,
5) I have a God who loves me, and cares enough about me that I can't even imagine it. He has wrapped His arms around me, and I am so eternally grateful for Him and all that He's done for me.
Basically, lately, (as usual) I've been struggling a little with relationships. Everyone's got one, and everyone "needs" one. It's just been really toxic to me lately. So last night, I was talking with a friend, and I was just venting to her a little about how I've never had a relationship, and how that makes me feel a little out of the loop or something. And she says "But you know what, some people think the opposite." This has been God protecting you.
I am so relieved to know that He has protected me from giving my heart away. He has saved me from needless toil and pain so that I can someday say to someone that I love very much "Here I am. God has saved me for you, and I am so happy."
I had a great day because:
1) I woke up quoting Nemo
2) Social Work is what I'm supposed to be doing, and I am so excited to realize it.
3) I don't have to worry about wet feet, because it's not snowy.
4) I have fantastic friends who love me and support me, and tell me the truth when I need to hear it.
But most of all,
5) I have a God who loves me, and cares enough about me that I can't even imagine it. He has wrapped His arms around me, and I am so eternally grateful for Him and all that He's done for me.
Basically, lately, (as usual) I've been struggling a little with relationships. Everyone's got one, and everyone "needs" one. It's just been really toxic to me lately. So last night, I was talking with a friend, and I was just venting to her a little about how I've never had a relationship, and how that makes me feel a little out of the loop or something. And she says "But you know what, some people think the opposite." This has been God protecting you.
I am so relieved to know that He has protected me from giving my heart away. He has saved me from needless toil and pain so that I can someday say to someone that I love very much "Here I am. God has saved me for you, and I am so happy."
27.1.12
"Leaving Eden" by Brandon Heath
Okay, so confession of the year: I don't listen to much Christian music. I don't know who many artists are these days in that field. my heart belongs to Relient K, Jack Johnson, City & Colour, Jason Mraz, and especially Mumford & Sons. That being said, KLOVE (our Christian radio station) is still on the presets in my car, so every once in a while, I'll listen to it. I like to listen to it while I'm on my way to church to get me in the mood, or sometimes I just need some encouragement, and it helps me a little.
So when I do listen to Christian music, I find that I like Brandon Heath. He has a few good songs that I've heard on the radio. However, one of his newest songs "Leaving Eden" really grinds my gears. I don't like it. I don't like the lyrics; I think the song itself is annoying.
Here are some of the lyrics:
So when I do listen to Christian music, I find that I like Brandon Heath. He has a few good songs that I've heard on the radio. However, one of his newest songs "Leaving Eden" really grinds my gears. I don't like it. I don't like the lyrics; I think the song itself is annoying.
Here are some of the lyrics:
(One more step away)
Headlines read like a warning, we're under attack
(One more step away)
I just waved to a stranger, he didn't wave back
(One more step away)
And if it weren't for my TV I wouldn't know what is real
(One more step away)
My doctor can't do a thing for how I feel
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
People are losing their homes to hurricanes
(One more step away)
Old lady living next door forgot her own name
(One more step away)
Teacher is hiding her Bible but at least she's got a job
(One more step away)
My local Salvation Army just got robbed, oh
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
Feels like I'm leaving Eden, oh
It's like I'm further away with every step I take
And I can't go back 'cause I'm leaving Eden
Headlines read like a warning, we're under attack
(One more step away)
I just waved to a stranger, he didn't wave back
(One more step away)
And if it weren't for my TV I wouldn't know what is real
(One more step away)
My doctor can't do a thing for how I feel
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
People are losing their homes to hurricanes
(One more step away)
Old lady living next door forgot her own name
(One more step away)
Teacher is hiding her Bible but at least she's got a job
(One more step away)
My local Salvation Army just got robbed, oh
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
Feels like I'm leaving Eden, oh
It's like I'm further away with every step I take
And I can't go back 'cause I'm leaving Eden
There are many reasons that I don't like this song. I think the main reason is that I think it's obvious that we're not in Eden. It's been thousands of years since Eden. Earth has pretty much always been sinful, and until Jesus comes back, it will always be sinful. Another reason this song bothers me, is that these problems are so surface-based. There are so many bigger issues that point out the fact that we're far away from Eden. Here's some examples:
1) "I just waved to a stranger, he didn't wave back" When I first heard this line I thought to myself "Woop-de-do." This happens to me every single day. And maybe that's Brandon Heath's point: that people are unfriendly. But also, we don't know their lives. Who knows what could have happened to that person this morning, yesterday or years ago to make them calloused so that they didn't want to wave back to a stranger.
2) "People are losing their homes to hurricanes" What about the billions of homeless people in the world? The people who don't have homes to begin with, the people living on the streets. I know it's devastating to loose your home, and I can't imagine never knowing what it's like to have a home, a roof over my head, a family to live with. But I don't think it takes a hurricane to realize that people don't have homes, and this is a pretty big signal that we're "leaving Eden."
3) "Teacher is hiding her Bible, but at least she's got a job." This may sound mean, but so what if you have to hide your Bible. Newsflash: we don't live in a Christian nation, nor do I think America should be a Christan nation (but that's a whole other can of worms). You're a teacher. You teach kids who believe all sorts of things. If you're teaching them truth, then you're teaching them Truth, and it's true, and you're teaching them about God whether you're teaching straight from the Bible or not. Also, people in other nations will literally get killed if they have Bibles. Appreciate what you have.
In short, I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that we're far far away to what Eden was. However, if you're going to sing about it please choose problems that are real, big problems. I admit, some of these issues are big, and important... But I just thing there are more obvious ones to choose from. For example: Hunger, poverty, violence, etc.
fin
22.1.12
A Scary Thought
Ever since Guatemala, I've obviously realized that I think God wants me to go into international social work/missions work etc. This has been an interesting realization for me because it's totally different than everything I thought I'd be doing. In every way. It's also crazy because I have no idea what that means. I mean, I don't know what country. I don't know where in the world I'll be. I don't know anything about where I'll be in even two years. I don't know what language I'll be speaking. All I know is that God will provide.
The other day, I had a really crazy thought. I thought to myself "I can't wait to be out of this country." Now, I have two things to say about this thought.
A). Why I thought it: I had this thought because I was sitting in my room, staring at all my stuff. And all my roommate's stuff. and all my suitemate's stuff. and all this stuff. All this stuff that I don't even need. And I thought "I can't wait to get out of this place, where we 'need' things that we don't really need." I just think it's so sad to think that we "need" all this random crap, and some people out there don't even know what it is that we "need." It doesn't make sense to me.
B). Why it's so significant: The thought "I can't wait to be out of this country" solidified something within me. It made it for sure that I'm not supposed to be here, at least for some time (I don't know how long I'll be away on missions... I don't know anything about it). It was the first time that I had took this fact as a fact, the first time I admitted that my future isn't here.
This is super scary at sometimes, and super exciting. I am so excited to see other places, and to help people, and to be fulfilled by fulfilling God's calling on my life, and what I believe is the call on all Christians (whether we are staying in our homelands, or going far away). I am excited to learn and see all that God has for me.
The other day, I had a really crazy thought. I thought to myself "I can't wait to be out of this country." Now, I have two things to say about this thought.
A). Why I thought it: I had this thought because I was sitting in my room, staring at all my stuff. And all my roommate's stuff. and all my suitemate's stuff. and all this stuff. All this stuff that I don't even need. And I thought "I can't wait to get out of this place, where we 'need' things that we don't really need." I just think it's so sad to think that we "need" all this random crap, and some people out there don't even know what it is that we "need." It doesn't make sense to me.
B). Why it's so significant: The thought "I can't wait to be out of this country" solidified something within me. It made it for sure that I'm not supposed to be here, at least for some time (I don't know how long I'll be away on missions... I don't know anything about it). It was the first time that I had took this fact as a fact, the first time I admitted that my future isn't here.
This is super scary at sometimes, and super exciting. I am so excited to see other places, and to help people, and to be fulfilled by fulfilling God's calling on my life, and what I believe is the call on all Christians (whether we are staying in our homelands, or going far away). I am excited to learn and see all that God has for me.
4.1.12
Week 1: Around the House
I'm doing a Photography Project thing per week, and this week's theme was perfect because it was "around the house." It was perfect because pretty much all I've done this week is loaf around the house.... So here goes. These are my favorite pictures:
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